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Gemma B’s Dukebox


So for months and months my friend Leigh and Ric have been saying:

“do a show on the radio..”

“do it.. do it.. do it..”

and I for months have been like “yeah I will, yeah I will”

Then finally 6 weeks ago I did my first show and its been running ever since and the name is courtesy of my fathers radio show on Angel Radio John Boys Jukebox.. which is on FM radio. And to be fair there was a slight difference in spelling this however is due to the fact that basically I play songs that should in my mind be up there playing with the dukes.. (or something like that!)

So when I talk in the microphone I get so so SO so SO excited.. a feeling from my belly inside rises up and Booooooooom and that is it people Passion in its highest form right there in my belly, right there making me get all like I cannot brrrreath and whooooosh! Please let me take this moment to refer you to a very lovely friend of mine Bethan Stritton.. and read her blog here for a little snippet of (my favorite word!) coincidence on Moon-day Mindset – Love your thing 

As the weeks have gone on I have bumbled my way through picking songs I feel I have reason to play for some reason or another in my mind, and not DOUBLE clicking on the next track in order to mess up the next selection and make the daaaaaamn file disappear .. oh that happened quite a lot! but not now Oooooh no!

So now its progressed nicely to me playing a random selection of tunes ranging from the 50’s, 60’s, 70’s and so on and on and up to NOW..

Also play some tracks from our musical genius on the IOW including bands and Dj’s

Shall I list them all.. Shall I..? ooooooh OK! No no no go and check them out on my Fb page… http://www.facebook.com/GemmaBsDukebox

So to all the people I have spoken to about this in the past and who have said follow your heart.. follow what YOU want..

“Do it.. Do it NOW”

Thank you all you sexy, gorgeous people and thank you www.wightparty.com for having me!!!

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To my little man! its been 3 months and a little bit and every day I think of you and every day I think you are right here next to me. So I smile. However this has been so therapeutic for me to write, read and place together. All for myself and my friends who loved my little doggy as much as I did.. peace x

missreadcharlotte

Dear Mr Biggles,

You were in my life for 7 beautiful years, you went to sleep on the 27th of Febuary 2012 at around 10.30am in my arms, as your breath took its last gasp I felt at peace in my soul, I am writing this to you as pure therapy as its for me its hard to talk to anyone about how lost I feel without you and how you gave me purpose.

I believe you are still with me and when I think of you – you can be instantly by my side in a flash in my imagination.

Below are a few things and as I read them there are so many more..

If I could touch you and make the top of your head hair a Mohican again I would,

If I could tell you to not keep getting under my feet and stop being by…

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Dear Mr Biggles.. (If I could I most certainly would)


Dear Mr Biggles,

You were in my life for 7 beautiful years, you went to sleep on the 27th of Febuary 2012 at around 10.30am in my arms, as your breath took its last gasp I felt at peace in my soul, I am writing this to you as pure therapy as its for me its hard to talk to anyone about how lost I feel without you and how you gave me purpose.

I believe you are still with me and when I think of you – you can be instantly by my side in a flash in my imagination.

Below are a few things and as I read them there are so many more..

If I could touch you and make the top of your head hair a Mohican again I would,

If I could tell you to not keep getting under my feet and stop being by my side at every turn with those big brown eyes I would,

If I could buy you dog food from the best aisle (dog food isle)  in the supermarket I would,

If I could see you stretch in the morning with your paws out in front of you I would,

If I could have you sitting on the car passenger seat next to me as I drive to my next destination I would, If I could take you for a walk and let you drag me around I would,

If I could just shout your name when you have ran off on a walk, chasing birds/cows or rabbits, whilst people turn around because of your name, I would, If I could just hear you dreaming of chasing (anything) that moves and your paws moving and you yelping and growling as you sleep I would,

If I could just throw a toy and you go after it but not retrieve it back I would,

If I could eat some cheese and cut you off a massive chunky bit, I would,

If I could tell you to stop eating all the tomatoes off the tomato plant, I would,

If I could have you bark at me whilst I go in the sea and then follow me in and try and stop me from going in further but you not leaving my side I would,

If I could take you to see all of my friends that you have fallen asleep on over the years I really really would,

If I could cook you a whole chicken, I would

If I could let my nieces and my friend’s children play, chase and love you I would,

If I could hear the doorbell ring and your bark as loud as an Alsatian to alert me, I would,

If I could see you sit with a curtain draped around your head sitting on a rug, listening to us chat on and on and on, I would

If I could start singing and you start singing with me, I would,

If I could see you chase a post man, and actually stop certain postmen from delivering at our address, I would,

If I could see you roll in the snow and make yourself sneeze, I would

If I could let you jump onto my legs and then I would lean down and give you a cuddle, I would,

 

If I could walk along Gurnard beach in the morning, afternoon and evening with you again I would,

If I could introduce you to a thousand people who don’t like dogs and let you change their mind I would,

If I could talk to you again, to the only living soul I trusted 100% I would,

If I could wake in the morning and call you so you jump on my bed and then lay on my chest and see you stretch out your paws I would,

If I could relive the moment you took your last breath as I held you in my arms and your body feel forward, but felt released and at peace I would,

LOVE you always and a day..

Gemma

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Tag You’re it!!


This is going to catapult my blog into universal reading (not really but I can believe!) so it must must be decisive and not contradiciting in anyway shape or form.. hummmm Ok lets give it a whirl.. Challenge.. Read!

1. Book or movie and why?

Book for taking my mind off everything..

Film for taking my mind off everything..

Swaying more towards book because lots of films disappoint when they finish, where as books you can imagine all the characters and places so I think reading probably works ones mind more than just kicking back in front of a film and also if you read the book and then watch the film the book is always better.

2. Real book or e-book?

Real book.. I like something to hold, I like something I can refer back to and I like bookmarks presently I have a post it note in one book  as I like to place the post it where I stop reading, however this book by Marni Mann is hard to place down and I have spent literally hours upon hours reading it at a time along with Live like a Fruit Fly by Gabe Berman  has a postcard from an art exhibition in Brighton by a Frances Duncan of Dark Deliverance as this picture for me is inspiring and thus so is the book.

3. Funniest thing you’ve done in the last 5 years?

Naked modelling.. in front of loads of fabulous lady artists and it being so so hot that I literally did not want to move and I was just getting hotter and hotter and redder and redder ( not sure if Redder is a word, but it works!) and then the whole group of 10 ladies started laughing and then well the pose was hard to figure out and then well the laughter kept on until the heaters were off.

OR

Maybe forgetting all the words to the easist song in the world and literally singing the chorus over and over again and the whole pub was clapping me on.. and I just ended up singing the song faster, slower, higher, lower and everyone laughing and everyone loving the weirdness.. maybe or maybe they were just laughing at me !!

4. Do you put yourself into the books you read/write or the movies you watch?

Yes. Easier with books.

5. How would your best friend describe you?

liquid diamond 🙂
cause u are beautiful and hard, but also flows into ppl’s hearts and souls like blood
once u are there in their hearts u keep on flowing and flowing…they cant live without you
and u are like a liquid…u cool down..u warm up…
and u are shining and pure
so all that makes me think of you as a liquid diamond
🙂
…BLUSH BLUSH..
(asked today.. !)
Bewildering
(always says this and only this!)
6. Favorite kind of car and why?

VW…VW..VW.. they are spacious, they are built well, the colours are bold.. my family have a collection of Vw’s ideally I think the T5 Transporter along with a Golf is my favorite.

7. Would your choice of party be a catered meal or barbecue out back?

BBQ.. you can listen to the music you like.. you can eat unlimited amount of food and smoke, drink and enjoy at your own pace so I say yes to BBQ’s.

8. What’s your favorite season and why?

Difficult to give decisive answer.. shall I explain because I literally come rain or shine love them all!!

Spring : Cherry blossom and everything literally starting to grow and spring up.

Summer: Happiness, Sunshine and Hot Men and swimming in the sea and camping.

Autumn: Leaves fall and you can crunch them under your shoe ( I like the sound!) and its my birthday.

Winter: Toasty houses with fires, fluffy socks and Christmas.

9. What specific lesson have you learned – Spiritual, educational, occupational?

Spiritual – believing in yourself as no one will do anything for you otherwise, and believing the Universe and Love has you in its hands and your thoughts can basically create your future and your NOW.

I want to take a moment and list all the people that daily give me motivation in abundance: via face to face text, email, twitter or FB.. but I fear the list may overwhelme with name dropping of greatly loved people in my life..okkkk lets give it a go.. ok I started this and wow.. the list was LONG basically started to over complicate things and then I got starting to think that maybe I should quote everyone in my life and link thier pages in and then oooooh it was too much!

My Mum, My Dad, My Sister.. all of my family.. .. All my friends..

William Paisley Your Pocket Guru – via Twitter this man and his words of wisdom motivate me

Scarlett Felstead  My closest and bestist and loveliest and dearest friend.. check her website out as holaaa she is beautiful and she can paint and she is one of my biggest fans as well as me being hers!

Bethan Stritton – the beautiful lady of greatness – whenever she writes I always place myself there in my shoes and can always sympathise and chuckle and she always springs into my life guiding me along my way to where I am now along with Jayne Bell who makes up my array of supporting network.

(mention you again) Jody Neil Ruth – known this man for over 10 years and when I wanted to start writing.. I asked him his advise was ‘Just start writing, maybe try a blog’ good work Jode, its only taken me a year..

Liz Goodchild – another fabulous lady in my life and she inspires me to carry on writing and getting fit as she runs all the time.. and in the face of dealing with only Super ladies can deal with she has dealt with oddles upon oddles of things and always comes out shining. Plus I have known the girl for like ever since Sungem69 was created. Back in Chateau Du Molay in Normandy. 2000.

Now I have started this I am not sure I can stop.. but Im going to as this list could get quite long otherwise.

10. Besides writing, what’s your favorite thing to do when you get some extra time?

Singing it makes me feel all warm in my belly and its expecially good when you are performing and you see people singing along and your singing and they are singing and you are singing and its as though you have a slight out of body experience..

11. What’s one place you can be found at least one time every week?

My Bed… I love my bed.. I love sleeping and I love waking up.. I am a naked sleeper and I love being naked.. so my bed..!

************Play the gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame! x

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Why Lie..


Why Lie…

Why Lie..

I remember screaming this at my Sister.. when we were having a wild argument over the channel on TV and the remote went flying through the air and hit her head..

I knew for 10 years.. you saved my life, you took me to France, I held your baby, you held mine, we were a story, we were history, we made love on many occasion, I was someone you have kissed and played with my hair and watch me sleep, I watched you sleep, we sang songs to each other in the middle of the night,  but our egos were to big..but why Lie!

I have lied to protect myself and a person from a horrible truth that would destroy our relationship and in the end it did.

Seriously ‘you can only ever work with the information you have in front of you in this life..’* so why Lie.. it will never EVER serve you correctly, it will never ever stop the inevitable from happening, it will never stop a love walking from your bed, out the door, through the garden and out the back gate, side door, front door.. SLAM!

It will never ever get you the RIGHT job for you, it will never ever serve in your best interest, for you and your future and your destiny.

When you get lied to there is a horrible feeling in your belly.. you know that the person is lying and when you lie to someone you feel horrible lying so WHY Lie!!

It makes no sense.. its negative.. its harmfall.. its used perhaps as protection.. but the truth will always prevail and conquer..

So Why Lie….?

*Quoted by my Daddy.. John Read

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Isn’t it Funny…


Isn’t it funny when you think of someone far away, who perhaps you do not speak to on a regular basis or see and they just jump into your thoughts and then you either:

a. Receive a text/call

b. Receive a  letter/email

c. See someone or hear something or bump into the person

Sometime I even dream of people and then I hear something about that person or persons a day or a week later. This I have always thought of as a some wierd coincidence until the other day when it just popped into my head ‘why have I not heard from ……’ and boom that person called like instantly!!

SO THEN..

The other week I had dreamt that one of my friends who is at university (who I never ever speak to when she is there) was not going to be getting paid anymore and was unable to carry on with her (army) training  and was quite upset. I always forget about the dreams I have until I see the person. In this instance when I met up with my friend (when she was home!) I remembred my dream and told her and guess what…. she had failed her medical, and did not get paid her amount that she would of received if she’d of passed. She was slightly disheartened because she has always been physically fit but to be fair she wasn’t massivly upset because like every other student in the first year at Uni she was going out, getting drunk and surviving on alcohol rather than buying actual food products.

These weird coinsidences didn’t quite stop there on Tuesday evening I was talking to a very treasured friend of mine Rick Boson and we were talking about random things as we do and he had mentioned a magazine on the Isle of Wight (name unknown purly due to memory loss, on his account) which I can only think to be the Style of Wight Magazine.

I love this magazine, features, artwork and adverts are always professional.

We were discussing in this magazine a page spread on fashion dedicated to a lovely lady, and her best buys and fashion tips etc this convo went on to how maybe I should think about doing one. This all seemed quite idealistic in my mind as previously I have pondered and imagined thoughts of a similar page.. because by some pure chance fact that whenever I seem to go out.. people always tend to say… “oooooh where did you get that..” or “Ooooooh you always look nice!” and I know this is probably quite a regular occurance in human interaction but simply enough I never really care or make that much of a deal when I get ready to go out thus as my personal fashion tastes do not deliver themselves to be of anything connecting to a particular trend. I am unique and I love to mish mash colour. I love dresses and I love bright colours and thank you to my older Sister I have always had hand me downs that were ‘in trend’ when I was 7 years her junior. I do admit in the winter I wear socks with shoes that you can see the socks through YES massive error.. but I really don’t care and this winter you could find me donning fluffy socks with my shoes so the fluff actually pointed through the shoes!  Yes ladies (and gents!) in the daaaaaaylight!

I flick through magazines and always like the most expensive items and then think DAMN.. why do I have such a unjustified expensive taste. So I am always rather suprised when people (being mainly girls that I don’t know) praise my fashion sense… oh and I NEVER hardly wear MAKE UP!

***Please Note*** I do not wear fluffy socks through my shoes when out on an evening however I do think that brightly coloured socks with leggings to make that ooooh so uncomfatable heel much more manigable on my toes or as some would say sausage toes – thank you Sister!

MAKE UP…well this is another subject altogether however I myself cannot apply it, do not know how to use it very well and also quite frankly do not wear that much of it! It is overpriced and  – I have done my stint as a make up angel with VIE and although I loved the ladies and girls I worked with – being fabulous and lovely. My main problem was that I have never really agreed that make up should be worn as a enhancer to women/lady/girl beauty. I have to say I am quite partial to wearing the occasional eye liner, masacra and powder over my nose and a bit of red lippy when I am heading out… but No I say to every day use.. each to thier own I guess but.. I think freckles and dimples and spots should be loved… not hated and covered even though contradicating that last statement I have had the worst case senario of MASSIVE SPOT on chin when going on date… so apply the foundation yes I admit I did!  But you know the main thing I think I am trying to say is lets be kind to our skin and let it breath and lets not cover up our simple beauty that are freckles let them shine out.. the sun kissed our faces! yes it did!!!

Whooooooooooooaaaaa there….”tangent!”

So back to the initial point of coincidences… friend and I was talking about fashion page blah de blah then next day got to work, made a cup of tea, and checked my personal emails and boom @isleofstyle and @styleofwight were following me on twitter @sungemiow.

BIZARRE!! or what…

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Walk in the sunshine of love


Walk in the sunshine of Love.. words written and sung by a very Gorgeous Etta James.

Is being in love as simple as ‘walk in the sunshine of love’

OR

Is it thinking, feeling and breathing in a positive state ‘walk in the sunshine of love’

OK

On first instance when listening to this song in my car, at the time I was slowly and doubtfully  falling in love – driving along. Singing the song really loudly feeling her passion as my belly oozed with matching passion for the man who had just re-entered my life. Day-Dreaming about beach, forest walks coupled hand in hand cuddling and kissing.. stroking my hair and kissing my neck.. Yes Etta I agree this is fabulous and ‘ I AM WALKING IN THE SUNSHINE OF LOVE’.. and this is it, this is the man, this is one I have known forever and yes we are back together and its fabulous.

THEN

Weeks later – driving along in the car, feeling a loss of someone close to me dying and my whole life changing I realised ‘walk in the sunshine of love’ was feeling amazing, thinking that the loved one was with you on the passenger seat driving along. Sitting tall and happy to be going somewhere he was there, next to me. The next day when waking feeling the fresh air on my face and realising that is the love from nature the energy that you feel surrounding our every moment.  A momentary switch from a negative down ward spiral into a free, positive, flowing thought of LOVE.

SUMMARY or probably not grammatically correct but CONSEQUENTLY (this is one of my most used words at the moment)

The lyrics to the song can I imagine mean either, and like all great songs mean and feel exactly how you are feeling at the time when you are listening to it, who is to know what any song when written is actually about.. I was in the bath the other month singing out a song and incorporated two stained glass window fishes into the song.. and actually this could mean that maybe I had two fishes that sat in a fish bowl and were red and blue but nooooo all you people out there (not reading this, who may one day listen to that song when I start actually recording this) it is about a window with red and blue stained fish on it.

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So I have been slack


Ahhh ha yes I have been – slack on here slack on excercise !! but really in the grand scheme of things I have probably just been a little tied up with WORK and moving house, and getting my daily chores done like Washing – this I have to say was always covered by my mother over the last year of my life and when I did it before – I don’t really remember! hummmm I enjoy it now – its almost become exciting to think of things I can wear just so I can then put the washing machine on to wash them!! Even NEARLY asking a certain new man in my life if he would like me to do his just so I have a reason to open the washing machine and place it on.. then go through the mundane chore of placing it on the line! I didn’t ask him.. I resisted!

I think its the washing line that I like – its a a real LINE! not a funny circular like web line that you have to swing round and achieve the balance weight problem of distrubuting the clothes evenly – its just a line! like a you are putting a sail up on a boat there is a pully contraption and this makes me happy!

Getting the right amount of washing on the line down to the amusement of my house mates whilst I place the washing on the Sail (line) the line runs to the knot.. doh! I then perservere by taking all the already hung washing off the line and make sure the knot is at its very end of the other pole and restart – giggling house mate whilst she sits watching in complete amusement! in the end all is well – I have now attempted another load of washing and in this October sun will be placing it on the line.

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So She Sings


Well I sang for the first time last week, not the first ever time, I mean to say sang in front of someone! not in the shower standing there with wet hair and a wet body singing deep low jazz or whilst the house is empty getting my voice higher and even higher listening to my Ipod.. Zarif my new faviorite double listening really loud and generally naked around the house.. this makes me feel ever so free and able to sing better.. (odd but true)

Hold up…Tangent!

so off I go to this man – Paul Angell of whom I have only met once before armed with my trusty Biggles and 4 photocopied sheets of A4 paper of songs I feel I want to sing in front of him. “Hi” yes “Hi” and all that happens and then we go up to his “studio”. Biggles has a little snif around and then lays straight down when I do (this is always a good sign of a good person) and then.. I can’t do it! hot sweats!! me sing!! in front of man.. I think not “shall we have a coffee.. ?” I rudley interrupted… ‘how rude am I’ “Im sorry… ahhhhh ok then” me ” I don’t think I can do this.. what am I doing here” Paul “you know Valerie, by Amy Winehouse.. ?” and starts playing here are the lyrics.. boom straight in there.. straight away. You know like that horrible moment when you about to get your blood tested and the nurse talks to you and then ….”OUCH!” well thats what it was like… but instead of the bad feeling it was a feeling of complete warmth in my belly.. power surging out from me that I couldn’t control.. the thoughts going through my mind .. eeeek wrong note.. ooooh that sounded awful.. what am I doing.. overwhelmed with foot tapping.. warm belly.. hip bouncing up and down and grabbing of empty mic stand in hand.. I was doing it I was singing infront of another human being and it was just me on my own no one elses voice and I hit the notes.. and he was smiling and I was singing..

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here I am


 

Just taking photos.. capturing a moment, a feeling a heart beat a smile that would never be seen.

I started this blog to be committed to something for me (so far I haven’t been) so this is like my little test to myself to keep the love flowing from within as I can most certainly say that sometimes this is the only way one can really get in to touch with where I’m at.. I don’t actually expect anyone to read it.

People have a moment about a dream they want to get on the road to achieve, some just end up doing it, falling into a path and rolling along nicely on the unplanned road to success. I have always bumped around all over the place never EVER having a plan and just literally falling into things onto things and sometimes ‘over’ things.

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